The Tension That Taught Me Everything
There was a moment during my time as CEO when my leadership team was deeply divided.
We were preparing to pitch a bold, left-of-center idea to a long-standing client. Some on the team believed in the approach wholeheartedly. Others—equally passionate—thought it was a mistake. The debate was intense. No consensus emerged.
But we had to move forward.
As the leader, I could have forced a decision. But instead, I paused and asked the team to do something harder: Disagree—and commit.
I made the call. Not everyone agreed. But everyone committed. And because they committed, we showed up united, delivered the work with conviction—and won the business.
That experience reminded me of a powerful truth: progress doesn’t require full agreement. It requires full alignment.
What Does “Disagree and Commit” Actually Mean?
At its core, to disagree and commit is about moving forward with unity, even if not everyone gets their way.
It doesn’t mean silencing dissent. It doesn’t mean faking agreement. It means allowing space for healthy debate, and then—once a decision is made—every person commits to executing it as if it were their own.
High-performing teams across industries have since embraced it because they know: alignment without honesty is fragile.
Why It Works
Disagree and commit works because it creates space for real conversation—while still prioritizing forward movement. Here’s what it does:
Fosters psychological safety – People know they can share openly without fear of repercussion.
Prevents decision gridlock – You don’t need 100% agreement to take action.
Builds deeper trust – When team members feel heard—even if their idea isn’t chosen—they’re more willing to get behind the outcome.
It’s a leadership muscle: challenge, decide, align, and go.
The Challenges of Leading This Way
But let’s be honest—“disagree and commit” is easier said than done. It takes a strong leader to welcome pushback and not take it personally. And it takes strong culture to ensure that debate isn’t mistaken for disloyalty.
Leaders have to model humility and conviction. They have to say:
“I may not agree with you. But I value your input. And once we choose our path—I expect all of us to walk it together.”
Because if people don’t feel safe to disagree, then “commitment” becomes compliance.
And compliance kills creativity.
How to Apply It as a Leader
If you’re in a position of leadership—whether in the boardroom, on a team, or even in your family—here’s how you can live this out:
1. Set clear expectations upfront.
Let your team know: disagreement is not disobedience. Debate is welcome—before the decision.
2. Encourage honest pushback.
If no one’s disagreeing, you may not be creating enough room for people to speak freely.
3. Reinforce alignment after decisions are made.
Once the choice is clear, shift the language from “this is what I think” to “this is what we’re doing.”
4. Model it yourself.
Share a time when you disagreed with a direction—but chose to commit anyway. That story alone builds trust.
The Dangerous Opposite: Agree but Not Commit
If “disagree and commit” is the gold standard, here’s the silent killer of momentum: agree but not commit.
You’ve seen it—maybe even lived it. It’s when:
People nod in meetings but drag their feet in execution.
Team members say “I’m good with it,” but their actions tell another story.
There’s an illusion of buy-in, but underneath, there’s passive resistance.
This kind of false alignment is worse than open disagreement—because it’s harder to detect and more damaging in the long run.
Why It Happens
So why do people agree but not commit?
Fear of speaking up.
They don’t feel safe challenging authority.
Desire to please.
They want to avoid conflict or be seen as “difficult.”
Lack of investment.
If someone doesn’t feel heard or valued, they may check out—without ever saying a word.
How to Guard Against It
As a leader, here’s how you can keep this silent resistance from taking root:
Create space for real debate.
Before the decision, ask: “Is there anyone here who feels differently?” Then pause. Really pause.
Make disagreement normal.
Celebrate team members who offer a different point of view. Normalize friction without judgment.
Post-decision, reset the room.
Once aligned, reinforce: “We’re in this together now. Let’s move with one voice.”
A Final Word
Over the years, I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room.
It’s about creating the conditions where every voice can be heard—so that every person can commit with integrity.
I’ve had moments where I had to disagree but still commit. I’ve also led teams where people committed because they trusted the process—even when the outcome wasn’t their first choice.
And in both cases? We moved forward. Together.
Leadership isn’t about getting everyone to agree. It’s about building a culture where disagreement sharpens us—and commitment propels us.
So here’s your reflection for the week:
Have you ever had to disagree and commit?
What did you learn from that experience?
And what kind of culture are you creating around you—one of quiet compliance or courageous collaboration?
I would love to hear from you - if you are open to it. Please post a comment and share with this community your thoughts. We are here together to learn from each other so don’t be shy. And its OK if you disagree and commit.
Go forth my Muses and lead well. I’m rooting for you, always.
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